Hi again! This update would come as quite a shock, if I read this when I posted my last one in January...Molly you had a lot to come.
So yeah, back in January I confessed to my crush, P, and as you know it didn't entirely go well. But his twin brother, J, technically my "ex"..well I've always had a soft spot for him ever since I've known him. And that is a looong time now. We've been friends since we were 12, and we're 18 now.
But anyway I have such updates on that front....
So of course coronavirus is a thing. A nice global pandemic that killed my final year of high school several months short. Finished officially on the 20th March 2020, instead of going on study leave in May and sitting A Levels / officially leaving in June/July. But, I didn't have to do a levels, so a lot of stress has been saved there. A small blessing in disguise on that front, anyway.
I will admit though, I cried when I realised it was all over. I wasn't looking forward to leaving anyway, partly because school was familiar, and even though I didn't like school, I saw my friends every day, and more importantly, I got to get the train and see J & P every day. I thought, "we're really good friends, but are we the kind of close where we will actually stay in contact?"
A week or two before schools closed nationally - 12th March 2020 both J and P told me they liked me. That was a weird and good day. At that point, I kind of had got over P because I was humiliated when he turned me down. But J..lets be real, it's always been me and him. P is my best friend and I love him dearly. But there's something about J.
Anyway school ended and around the 23rd March we went into a full country wide lockdown. Seeing as I had hours and hours of new free time, I got closer to J and P. Especially P. We texted all day every day and played dumb games - days full of Hearthstone and Minecraft, the occasional chess - and Texted all night and stayed up until the eaarly hours of the morning...woke up late morning or early afternoon, and repeat. And I would play a lot of games, a lot of civ and chess and sometimes minecraft with J and text him all night. Honestly I got a bit stir crazy at times but those were the best times of my life.
I got upset now and again because texting people is great but it isn't the same as being physically around them. I missed J and P because they were the only people that mattered to me at that point.
That was my life for a good few months. At this point, me and James had confessed to eachother, we talked about doing stuff when we got out of lockdown, basically it was certain it was going to go SOMEWHERE. Well 25th May 2020 - we officially used labels so that is our day for anniversary :)
When lockdown restrictions were eased we met up, I went to *his hometown* a few times, he dragged me many miles on those days..and it was damn hot in the height of summer!! He came to my village too and we did considerably less walking, lol. It evolved and we did less walking in his as well. We found secluded spots in the woods to play on the switch and just be together and it was wonderful.
When restrictions eased a bit more, he came to my house a bunch. We basically laid on my bed all day lol, played some skyrim and did a lot of cuddling if im honest.
I went to his house a couple of times and yeah more days spent on his bed, haha. I also forced him to watch a shit ton of kpop videos and he was showing a genuine interest because it's something I love. That's one of the ways he is so great..he listens to me and shows he cares because he remembers even the little things and he shows genuine interest in what I love and share with him.
Like..I was floored recently because he remembered the Chinese order I always get from my Chinese. I said it in passing like once :)
Anyway because we spent increasing amounts of time together and this time was spent being physically close, I got more and more attached to him. I definitely fell hard for this boy.
We're at uni now and it hasn't got in the way. As of today, Sunday 8th November 2020, we have been on facetime for 2 straight months, since I came to uni at the beginning of September. We've seen eachother every weekend possible (which is why the current lockdown of 2 weeks is kind of hitting hard. i miss him.)
I love him so much and I am so happy. He just shows me that he loves me too. 11 months ago I so did not see myself being where I am now, but I wouldn't change a thing for the world.
I am of course missing bits out. There's P's jealousy and our arguments, theres all the kpop albums I gained, all the signed ones I got, our family trip to Brighton/Weymouth, Animal crossing's release, my 18th birthday, many happy days I won't remember all the details about, but I wnanted to make an overview. 2020 has been one hell of a year, and things have been weird and taken away from us, but 2020 has been my year and I would do it all again in an instant. I currently would not change a thing.
I am happy. I am content. I am grateful. And I am so, so, so lucky.
Don't you forget it.
And don't forget how back in March, J got off the train at my stop to walk home with me in the rain while my family were getting haircuts, and I walked him up to Leighton Moss and he went home from there. I love this boy and what he is willing to do for me. I hope to repay that and show him how much he means to me.
Oh and all the times I got off at his stop! And the last day...how the train was late (ironic and hilarious) and I got to spend time with just J and P at the train station until we got the 5:48 and the train was empty bc corona...and me and J held hands for the first time.
this year was crazy and I'm likely to remember it all for how odd it's been, but just in case...
Don't forget this year.
I look forward for what is to come. I year for the past. I want to go back to the lockdown days..but I need to focus on the future. It's scary because I don't want things to change, but it's also exciting because I have so many experiences ahead.
