more than anything, obviously this is just a post for me.
today, 27th January 2020, it is quite a sobering day. I'm off school ill and Im having quite a lot of time to think and reflect, especially since I'm visiting a lot of things I enjoyed when I was younger, namely this blog for one.
I obviously know that nobody comes here, it's just a dead little corner of the internet, but its my dead corner and I feel like in 5, 10, 20 years if I come to reminisce I will appreciate having made the time to make an update for myself
because time is weird, and you will never be able to remember every single day that you have lived.
last night, I texted the boy that I have a crush on, and I told him how I felt. oh we have some weird history we do, and I've liked him on and off for around 3 years now. unfortunately I was met with the reality that he likes our friendship, and considering we will be leaving school in a few months and buggering off to uni this year, I seriously think that he was speaking sense that its better to not change anything. I won't lie and say that I'm not upset, but also I think now I have to accept the truth, and I will be able to move past this crush and realise what a great friendship we have. honestly I think I can say he is my closest friend and he knows more about me than ANY of my other friends do. I share everything with him, he knows all my secrets, and he always always always has my back, no matter what. I love him dearly but maybe I love his presence and it is our special friendship that we have. thank you for everything P, I don't think you'll ever truly know how much you mean to me, how grateful I am, how much I enjoy our time together.
I got a little sad and cried a bit this morning, because it hit me that I do only have a matter of months left on the train. god damn, these people that I've been forced into being friends with because we get the train, im so fucking glad this happened. no matter how much I may rant about the train, you guys really do make it more bearable. its weird to think how different we all are now, at age 17 nearly 18, compared to us age 12 when we became friends. I really can't believe how fast high school has really gone, and im excited to move onto the next chapter of my life, honestly, I want to move to Japan and the future holds great things, I know it. but as much as I hate school and want to leave, this place has been my life for almost 7 years and that's no small thing. the day we leave for good is going to be a really weird day, and I already know I will be highly emotional, hell its certain that I will cry.
I hope I can meet up with you lot again. nowadays its easy to stay in contact with people, and considering that you were such a big part of my life, I dont want you to be doomed to staying just a part of my memories. I would even like to see you in 10 years time when we may be married and have families of our own. it will be so weird but I know you all have such bright futures ahead and I would Love to be able to see how far you will have gone.
summer term 2017 was probably the best time of my life and I would give anything to get to relive those raw and pure emotions again.
I had dark times in the past and I was definitely too young to be going through that, but with the power of hindsight I had such amazing people around me and im glad that I didn't give up. if 11 year old me could see what I've lived through, she would be shocked. but I like to think that she would appreciate that because of the bad times, these happy times now feel so much sweeter.
I genuinely know I am so lucky. im blessed with great friends and my family are amazing. yeah my brother stresses me to hell but he talks to me and im certain that he trusts me.
and thanks to my parents I have been lucky enough to have so many great experiences.
29/03/2018 Fall Out Boy with standing tickets in Manchester arena. god damn, my heart aches for my little emo soul. if in 2015 I knew I would be able to do that, I think I would have cried for weeks.
2019; Jesus Christ, the honest to god best year of my life, and I know it will keep improving.
2019 was a year of personal growth, discovery and more. I got more into KPOP, and discovered more than BTS, even though I still love them with my whole heart.
27/02/2019 I would have gone to MAN WITH A MISSION. but sadly I was ill and unable to attend
8/05/2019 I got to meet ONE OK ROCK!!! and due to my VIP early access tickets, I was at the very front. holy shit, I won't ever get over it.
2/06/2019 - what can I say? I went to BTS day 2 concert in WEMBLEY. and my poor dad not only did he drive me there, wait in a queue for 3 HOURS for the pop up shop, but he waited patiently outside of Wembley while I was experiencing the best moments of my life. I give him so much shit and he really doesn't deserve it. I love you, dad.
June/July 2019; I got a SIGNED BTS PERSONA ALBUM.
around 15/08/2019 I got a SIGNED DAY6 BOOK OF US ALBUM. Bought with my birthday money.
25/10/2019 I got to meet Brian Dechart and ROGER CLARK AKA ARTHUR MORGAN at MCM comic con London. I was shaking so hard for Roger, he was so sweet and took the time to actually talk to me, and he hugged me. I could cry thinking about it.
Christmas Day 2019, not only did I get a lot of amazing presents, including KPOP albums, pop vinyl, and manga, but I got a Nintendo Switch!!!
Jan. 2020, mum has bought me so much, Im going to see SuperM on 28/02/2020 with Daisy, Mum preordered Animal Crossing New Horizons for me, she bought me RingFit Adventure, and Taemin version of SuperM. im so lucky. and dad bought me THE WHOLE SHIKI MANGA SET. IVE BEEN WANTING TO FIND THIS FOR 2 Y E A R S, goddamn im so happy.
thanks to mum and dad my manga collection has grown significantly, too.
I am so lucky and eternally grateful for the opportunities that I am given and experiences that I get. I try to stay positive because life is a beautiful thing and I am extremely fortunate.
Thank you for everything, and considering it has been nearly 4 years since I last wrote here, if I continue this trend, I wonder where ill be 4 years from now. I hope that I can keep having such good fortune and that my outlook is equally as positive.
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